for the cats of grandview (and other letter writing felines)

1 09 2009
if i made t-shirts, this is what they would be like

if i made t-shirts, this is what they would be like

Inspired by my encounter with a stray cat last night…

Dear Human,

First of all, please note that the fact that I am even writing you a letter is an honor I do not bestow often. Most of the time, I would not take the time to address a pathetic biped as yourself. Unfortunately, due to the dire situation you inflicted upon my being, I felt compelled to address you directly.

On Monday night at approximately 2300 hours I was out on the streets of Grandview, MO hunting my prey. With stealth and cunning, I was able to defeat my victims in swift victory (naturally). As I was about to celebrate, I noticed an even greater prize awaiting myself just yards away. What was this prize, you ask? All I can say is that it would have been a prize out of the scope of your own imaginings, yes it would have been too great for your weak understanding, it would have been…alas, I will not waste my words on you.

I am not sure if you are just careless, unintelligent, or heartless but to cut me off by use of your large vehicle was shockingly rude. Next time, remember that as a cat, we always have the right of way. Our agenda and purposes, far superior to any humans, must be adhered to by lesser mortals. As for almost injuring me with your car, you can be thankful that as a feline my agility and speed make up for your reckless behavior.

In the future, the proper course of action would be to stop at a 20 foot distance at the sight of a feline and to wait until it has fully crossed your path. Also there is a wait period of an additional 30-40 seconds just in case the cat has additional need of the space you would like to traverse. These actions should be standard human practice in order for cat and human to live in harmony with each other. Please follow these practices with due diligence in the future.

Not sincerely or with regards,

Black Cat

P.S. I curse you.

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